a not-so-good CNY

Why must you let me see you today? When I saw you at the bus interchange, I was stunned. Weren’t you supposed to be back only on Friday? Why are you in school today? I thought you didn’t tell me you’re back on purpose, ‘coz I’ve been fan2-ing you these days. That bus trip home was a very slow and terrible one. I don’t know why I felt this way, it was as if someone had stabbed a knife into me. I don’t know how to describe that feeling. Sad? Disappointed? I just felt so down. There’s no reason why I should be feeling this way, but I just couldn’t help it.

When I reached home this afternoon, I felt something amiss. No wonder I’d been feeling uneasy for the past 2 days. Something happened at home. Hai.. I understand my uncles’ concern about my family’s financial situation, and I’m really grateful to them for the thought of sponsoring my expenses. I didn’t accept their sponsorship for fear that my dad might be too stressful over not being able to support me financially. Though I know that my dad is very easy-going ( he can never get angry over a thing for a long period of time, and there’s where I inherited the genes from ;P ) and he doesn’t mind, I still took the sponsorships as loans.

For the first time in my life, my mum cried in front of me because of my dad. I’m not good at consoling people, all I could do at that time was to sit there and listen to what she had to say. My family had always been the envious of many people. My parents never quarrel ( not even once in the 24 years of my life ), or maybe I was just bo-chup about what’s happening at home. I’ve never heard them quarrel, nor do I know what kind of problems they have. It was actually when my mum told me this afternoon that I realised she had health problems. You can say I’m not very close to them, but I’m already trying my best. I’ve been brought up in a family where I’ve always respected my elders, and that they are always right. I always had this fear towards them ( my parents, aunts & uncles inclusive ), and am always afraid to talk to them. I guess it was because of my smallest uncle KS that I’ve started to open up to them. ( Yup he’s also the one who sponsored my hostel stay now ) I was shocked when my mum said my dad flared up that day. My dad is one who doesn’t get angry easily. Though we’ve still yet figured out the reason for his flaring up, I think I’ll just take one step at one time and see what I can do. I feel so blessed to have so many supporting aunts & uncles who are always so willing to help. ( Aunts & uncles from my mum’s side. My dad’s side aunts & uncles only care about themselves, won’t even care for their own siblings. ) Though they might now be very well-to-do, they are still so willing to help. Thank you ah yees & jiujius.

I can only hope that CNY will be a happy one for all of us. Will try my best even though I’m already not in the festive mood.