Month: February 2005

CNY Day 2 has always been a not-so-happening day for the past 24 years. Lunch @ granny’s house, after which we left for uncle KS’s house (across the road) at ard 2pm. I think it’s a psychological barrier, I just can’t seem to be able to clique with my dad’s family. Have been observing my granny’s behaviour these few days. It is obvious that she dotes on her daughters’ children better than us. Her daughters call the shots in the family, not the sons. Offered my help to prepare lunch, but I don’t know what she said, never say clearly despite me asking so many times. Whatever.. The more I think about it, the more disappointed I’ll be. Richard ah.. how ah? I feel so sad that we’re not so closely-knitted leh.. All the young people just sit there watch tv, never talk to one another.. How how?

It’s the first day of the CNY. Was so sian at my grandma’s (dad’s mum) place this morning. Richard kor haven arrive, no one to talk to. Then I received an sms from him @ Malaysia. His smses kept me entertained till I left the place. So interesting, I couldn’t reply his msgs coz he couldn’t receive them. Lol.. While chatting with Richard @ grandma’s house, his one statement made me realise something. “I feel so stressed collecting the ang pows. Everyone’s asking the same qn” FYI, Richard is still single ( 6 yrs older than me ). I’m also pressing him for his reply.. When is he going to get married? Hahaha! ^^ When one reaches adulthood, is it a must to get married? Or to get attached? Though all my 3 elder-gal-cousins ( mum’s side, older than me by 3, 6 & 9 yrs ) are already married with kids, that doesn’t mean anything mah.. I got “attacked” with the same qn today also.. Haiz.. Still studying leh.. Wanna ask me this kind of qn, also must wait till I grad mah.. lol..

Anyway.. back to CNY. In this Rooster year, those born in the Rooster years have “offended” the tai4 shui4 (one of the gods for Buddhists). First time in my life visiting 4 temples in 1 day. First time I did it willingly. Haha.. Better to believe than not. Only to realise it’s better to go and pray after the 5th day of the Lunar year. So gotta go again this Sunday or next Friday le. Kinda fun actually.. except that I was perspiring throughout. Hot weather. And I’m well covered from the ashes of the joss sticks & incense paper.

Walked to my maternal grandma’s house across the road of my paternal grandma’s. Yay we had steamboat again! My fav!! I thought this year they were going to call for delivery. The steamboat lunch came as a surprise. Met up with my cousins ( of all age groups ) including the new-born neice Chloe aka Ling Xin ( daughter of Qiu Xia who’s 3 yrs older than me). Interesting name. First time meeting her. Kinda miss Xinhui also.. The valentine’s baby I mentioned in my previous entry. She didn’t come to Singapore today.. Well.. I’ve got the company of Chloe, Faith ( 3 year old cousin ) & Lele ( the cousin my mum helped to look after ). Keke..

The “gambling den” started not soon after. Decided to be a guai guai gal today, when Kenneth kor shoved $50 to me and said “play for me. I go sleep”. Hahaha!! So erm.. ya.. I got stuck at the “man-luck” table all the way without any losses. Keep staring at the mahjong table. My hands got so itchy. Haha.. Can’t wait to get my hands on them this weekend. ( gambler addict here ) *oops*

I love this family of mine. So unlike my dad’s side. Haha.. In this family, you can feel the warmth of everyone. Hopefully we didn’t scare Min Yee’s (5 yrs younger) bf today. Dun think we’re that evil lah.. Haha.. But we meant it when we said he has to attend our other gatherings (this sunday & next) at 4th uncle’s & Kenneth’s house. Lol!!

If I have the time, I’ll do the family tree again. Haha.. Pity we didn’t take much photos today, else could have shown you guys my cousins. There’s one who’s quite pretty ^^ But drop all ur ideas ok.. She’s only sec 2.. Haha 😉

Why must you let me see you today? When I saw you at the bus interchange, I was stunned. Weren’t you supposed to be back only on Friday? Why are you in school today? I thought you didn’t tell me you’re back on purpose, ‘coz I’ve been fan2-ing you these days. That bus trip home was a very slow and terrible one. I don’t know why I felt this way, it was as if someone had stabbed a knife into me. I don’t know how to describe that feeling. Sad? Disappointed? I just felt so down. There’s no reason why I should be feeling this way, but I just couldn’t help it.

When I reached home this afternoon, I felt something amiss. No wonder I’d been feeling uneasy for the past 2 days. Something happened at home. Hai.. I understand my uncles’ concern about my family’s financial situation, and I’m really grateful to them for the thought of sponsoring my expenses. I didn’t accept their sponsorship for fear that my dad might be too stressful over not being able to support me financially. Though I know that my dad is very easy-going ( he can never get angry over a thing for a long period of time, and there’s where I inherited the genes from ;P ) and he doesn’t mind, I still took the sponsorships as loans.

For the first time in my life, my mum cried in front of me because of my dad. I’m not good at consoling people, all I could do at that time was to sit there and listen to what she had to say. My family had always been the envious of many people. My parents never quarrel ( not even once in the 24 years of my life ), or maybe I was just bo-chup about what’s happening at home. I’ve never heard them quarrel, nor do I know what kind of problems they have. It was actually when my mum told me this afternoon that I realised she had health problems. You can say I’m not very close to them, but I’m already trying my best. I’ve been brought up in a family where I’ve always respected my elders, and that they are always right. I always had this fear towards them ( my parents, aunts & uncles inclusive ), and am always afraid to talk to them. I guess it was because of my smallest uncle KS that I’ve started to open up to them. ( Yup he’s also the one who sponsored my hostel stay now ) I was shocked when my mum said my dad flared up that day. My dad is one who doesn’t get angry easily. Though we’ve still yet figured out the reason for his flaring up, I think I’ll just take one step at one time and see what I can do. I feel so blessed to have so many supporting aunts & uncles who are always so willing to help. ( Aunts & uncles from my mum’s side. My dad’s side aunts & uncles only care about themselves, won’t even care for their own siblings. ) Though they might now be very well-to-do, they are still so willing to help. Thank you ah yees & jiujius.

I can only hope that CNY will be a happy one for all of us. Will try my best even though I’m already not in the festive mood.

Today’s reunion dinner was a short one. Reached at 5.30.. everyone had already eaten. Sat at the dining table with Richard kor & his gf, plus my bro, 4th aunt n my mum. Was a super boring dinner.. Not everyone turned up as usual. I only have 1 elder cousin (from my dad’s side) and that’s Richard. The other cousins.. hai.. generation gap.. those in my age group nv turn up. Was so sian that I left one hour after I’m done with my meal.

With this family, I feel so lost. On the surface, it may seem that I’m close to them, but in actual fact I’m not. Dunno why.. The only people I’m close to is Richard, Aunt Elsie & Aunt Catherine. The rest are just hi & bye. It’s not as close-knitted as it should have been. Doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve already given up.

Reached back home just in time for dinner. Watched Huan Zhu Ge Ge (My Little Princess) on Channel 8, and can’t remember what else I watched on tv. In the glimpse of an eye, it’s already 11pm. Gosh.. I’ve only spent 4 hours at home today. Tomorrow gotta go grandma’s house for reunion dinner, which means I’m left with less than 20 hours left for me to enjoy the cosy-ness of my home. I shall try to make an effort to come home at least once or twice every week. Then I won’t be labelled as a “hotel guest”.

Chinese New Year is just a few days away. But I still can’t feel any CNY mood. It’s just another family gathering to me. Looking forward to meeting up with my valentine’s baby neice, who should be 1yr old this year. hee!