Month: March 2007

An hour by the sea is a miracle.

Really glad to have 2 best budz around. Got jio-ed out for dinner @ IKEA. Really grateful to them for being there when I felt so down. Couldn’t decide where to go after dinner, I made a sudden request to go ECP after we were halfway to dunno where. LoL. And off we go!

It was a nice break from school work. The few hours of chitchat and laughter did cheer me up lots. Feeling so refreshed and energized now!

Thank you Jem & Jkai =)

I wonder if the series of having low self-esteem and low self-confidence is a sign of depression.

The whole day 2dae felt like it was a dream. Project meeting in the morning, FYP meeting in the afternoon. As I was heading back home on the bus, it suddenly ocurred to me that I had totally no recap of the nitty gritty details of what happened prior to that. I felt lost and tired. Was stoning throughout the whole journey, still awed with the amount of work left undone. It was then when I asked myself if these are signs of depression. I’m already on the verge of breaking down, especially after the episode.

Felt like I was in a dream, somehow in a way or other, I managed to find my way home.

Concussed the moment I reached home. Gosh it was a long time since I last felt so tired. I practically didn’t feel like waking up for dinner when my dad attempted to wake me up by shaking the bunk bed.

I need a break.

It is scary when you think of death in the middle of a lecture. The thought just flashed by and almost scared me. ><

Had been a tiring day, must have been due to the lack of sleep. I can see the dark eye rings getting obvious – a sign that I’m really catching up on age.

Life for the past week(s) had not been going very smoothly, with hiccups here and there. No motivation to blog about happy things. Perhaps I’ve been thinking too much, but the low self-esteem and self-confidence seems to be increasing at an alarming speed. Some may think I dun give a damn about certain things, truth is my approach towards it is different. I don’t like to argue, since I always lose the argument all the time. Which always ended up me being silent even though I’ve been accused of doing things that I didn’t do. My self-esteem and self-confidence had been greatly affected, and it feels worse to bottle everything inside.

And I feel lonely ‘coz there isn’t anyone whom I can talk this to. =(

Thanks to Friendster, I got to know how 2 of my lost-touch friends have been since we last met many years ago. One is already married with a 7 mth old baby gal. Not surprised, since we’re all of marriageable age now. It feels great to know how she’d been. Really missed her around in SG.

I have more to say but nowhere to start on. Prob is I’m too tired. Had not been having enough sleep these days

Gal A and Guy B were classmates in school. Gal had a crush on Guy back then. Till now Gal has been consistently giving Guy her support in whatever Guy does.

One day, Gal chanced upon Guy’s diary. In one particular entry, Guy wrote about a gal called XiaoAi, who had been with him for many years and constantly giving him her support. Guy wrote that he is grateful to her.

Guy’s friends knew about XiaoAi, but also knew that it was not the real name, but a nickname given by Guy. At a recent class gathering, being mutual friends, Guy’s friends keep hinting that XiaoAi is actually Gal A.

Both of them kept quiet and did not have any response.

What a dream. Details of it were remembered so clearly that I knew at once who Guy & Gal was. But just what does the dream mean?

A recent turn of events made me think deeper into the word death. Part and parcel of life, you may say.

Recently I keep thinking about how life will be like when I’m old. When I’m an old and fragile woman, difficulties in walking, will the society still be the same? Will I be able to travel to and fro as freely as I can now?

What if I’m already on my deathbed? What is the kind of feeling when you’are about to stop breathing?

2 funerals at my void deck on the same day. Got me thinking if there’s after-life. When the next time I come back to earth, will things still be the same? it is at times like this that I wish I have someone to hug me and say that everything’s alright.

I wish these thoughts will go away soon. They’re taking away all my courage in life, not to mention the unseen stress that has been showered upon me at school.

Confidence level has dropped drastically these days, due to you-know-what. Ask me if you want to know. I hate things as they are right now, but life still goes on.

Where did all my courage go to?

Wow I’m honoured to have one of wordpress’s mentor here! Nevertheless, I’ve a feeling I won’t be able to get the project. Should have been able to think of a better proposal if not for the tons of workload these days. =)

Tons of unspeakable misery, unspeakable complaints. Not exactly unspeakable, but best left as it is for this entry.

Where oh where are the courage and beliefs that I badly need?

It’s the first time I’m having panda eyes =( And I realised it only when I reached home at 10+pm. OMG the panda eyes looked so obvious even with makeup on!

The quiz this morning was a killer. No one remembered there’s a quiz until the lecturer bombed us during Tues lecture. 3 late nights didn’t help. I still died in today’s quiz.

So tired that I decided to come back home and rest, and to complete the remaining part of the assignment.

I guessed the contact lens played a part in making my eyes tired. It’s almost due to make a new pair. Probably I should get a half-year supply and put on standby first. The current permanent ones is almost dying.

If things go smoothly, I should be able to graduate this May. *fingers crossed* Time to work out my finances and figure out the best way of clearing the bank loan.

Sounds quite random, but the thought of blogging this came to my mind. Met up with Grouser for dinner at suntec! We didn’t realise it’s natas fair now, suntec is so crowded! Gd thing we met as early as 5pm, so we had fish & co for dinner! With no difficulties finding seats! xD Aimless walking around suntec after that. We ended up buying voodoo dolls for each other! Hahaha.. Got her one for career advancement, and she got me a studies charm! woohoo! It’s now hangly nicely on my Z610i! xD

Was a long wait for bus 960 after that. The last time I waited at the very same bus stop for the same bus, I waited 30mins and took cab in the end. Waited 40mins for the bus 2dae. i seriously wonder how thebus company plans the schedule. 40mins is too long a wait, especially when it’s a Sun evening ( the previous time I was there ) and a Friday night at Esplanade. So pissed off.

Suddenly I feel tired of studying. Sometimes there are things that I longed to do, but can’t do due to constraints. Discouraged as I may be, I strongly believe I can overcome these challenges no matter how tough they can be.

Ganbatte! I need all the courage and beliefs that I can find =)