Logged in to the blog, hoping to get some inspiration and write something.
At the corner of the admin page, lie the many drafts that have left forgotten. Neglected.
And this caught my eye.
因为你的出现，我的生活有了小小的转泪点。
It was dated all the way back to 2013 September.
And I wondered why that line went unpublished.
I can’t remember why, but I can deduce why.
- Some topics are within a stay-away zone, regardless within the blog or in real-life conversations.
- I was (still is) concerned about how people see me as.
- There was no inspiration to continue after writing that line.
All three are valid points, and possibly it was due to these factors combined.
For someone who thinks that she has always been doing the right thing (well, all humans do, don’t we?), it takes a lot of courage to face the negative side of ourselves. When people surrounding her points out the issues that she has been refusing to acknowledge, she tends to stay away from the topic. No one likes to admit they are wrong anyway.
For someone who likes to portray a good image to other people, sometimes it takes a while to decide if the boundary should be stepped on.
Some topics, though mentioned, were pretty cryptic in some of the blog posts. No I’m not trying to hide anything. I’m fighting very hard to resist the urge to share my thoughts, my feelings. It’s like having a secret that I want to share, but can’t because it’s supposed to be a secret. (Possibly why I have another blog locked up for such topics.)
And I’m keeping mum not because they are anything confidential. Because I don’t think anyone would be interested to know.
Or possibly because I’m embarrassed to share them.
But I guess as you grow older, the tolerance level of embarrassment goes up. Or simply 看开了.
Though sometimes I wonder, who would really be interested to know your inner thoughts? Who would be interested to know why a particular decision was made?
Possibly no one, except the one who is interested in you, as a whole.